the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
