I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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