About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
