so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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