I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She just used a chaser for red wine.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
