you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
