so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
