eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
