dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
