I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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