What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
