Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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