im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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