I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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