i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
