Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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