i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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