Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
