Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
where are you?
Hypothermia
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
