She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize