I just threw up on my dentist
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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