she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
