Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
