Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
