You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
