I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
