he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
