she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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