i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
