Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
