Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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