Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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