The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
