No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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