i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
