he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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