went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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