Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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