I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
