i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
