Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
