If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize