my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize