my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
