I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
