Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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