I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
