trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
