dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
