this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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