gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
