dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
