Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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