Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize