Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dignity is for republicans.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
