I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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