Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize