Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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