I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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