i think i have herpe
just one?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
