You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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