Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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