Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My liver just broke up with me...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
