Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
