I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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