Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
