I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize