I heard we made out
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
