so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
