I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
