You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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