If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
handjob tips. give me some.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
