coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
send nudes
from the living room?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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