Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
