I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
