This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
