May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
