She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
