i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish I only lived at night.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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