He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
