Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
