I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
