I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
