I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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