Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He felt like a one man threesome
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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