Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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