Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Randomize
