Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
