you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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