I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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